Two Years Later...
One month away from being two years since the last time I posted...
I have no clue how often I'll post on here, if at all. But I felt the Lord leading me to post something like a life update, and Instagram didn't feel like the right place to post this time. Anyways, here we are, on a random Saturday night in April.
The past few weeks have been nothing less than some of the most refreshing weeks of my life. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, and I owe it all to Jesus. This post is basically just me bragging on Him, because my heart has been so full and I have to share.
I'm less than a month away from finishing my first year at college, and the year has been...eventful, to say the least. God moved me ten and a half hours away from friends and family, and I. regret. nothing. I'm not gonna lie, my first semester was rough, to say the least. This isn't meant to be a sad post, but in order to talk about how amazing my God is, I have to start with my story of brokenness and hurt. To be completely honest, it was the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life, and I spent many a night crying myself to sleep. By November, I hit my breaking point, and realized that something had to change. I was in an extremely low spot in life, but I didn't really tell anyone about it. Instead, I turned to the one person I knew would be there for me: God. He showed up when no one else could. December was a month of healing. The first step of this was processing events that had taken place before I had even come to college. Emotional baggage that I had been gripping onto for dear life had to be turned over to the Lord. It wasn't just a one-time thing. To this day, I still have to turn over that hurt and pain over to the Lord and remind myself that everything is in His hands, not mine.
After a month of being home for Christmas break, it was time to start a new semester. From the start, things were different. I began to really make true friends; I actually came out of my dorm on a daily basis, and not just to go to class. I had (half) joked with a friend a few months prior that college had turned my extreme extroverted self into an introvert. I hadn't felt like myself in ages. God, however, wasn't done showing me what all He was going to do for my life. Even in the second semester, there was so much chaos. But there was a difference this time. My focus was on Jesus this time, instead of throwing a pity party for myself every time something changed or didn't go the way I thought it would. My constant prayer was "Lord, I'm not sure why You're allowing all this, but I trust you, and I know you're going to do something big in my life." The verse that I clung to was Romans 8:28 (KJV).
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose.
Fast forward to the past two(ish) weeks. I decided to pray one, specific, difficult-to-pray-for type of prayer. The Lord answered immediately. It's one of those prayers that you know God wants you to pray, but you're scared to death of the results. However, God started to work and answer that prayer immediately. Sometimes the prayers we don't want to pray are the ones that we need to pray. I think the word I'm looking for is uncomfortable. By God answering this prayer, my whole world sort of flipped upside down. I am not one to look forward to change and knowing that things were going to change after praying this prayer escalated my anxiety even more. Uncomfortable indeed. However, the past week has been amazing. In the midst of tests and quizzes galore, I have been more peaceful, and more joyful than I've been in the longest time. I feel so incredibly close to God, and I'm realizing more than I've ever understood that my validation comes from Him, and Him alone. Not from a guy, not from friends, not from good grades, not even from family. I say all this to say that if there's something that you feel the Lord nudging you to ask for, nudging to you to say something or do something, then please, please do it. I promise you won't regret it. The process of that answered prayer might seem terrifying or lonely, like it was for me, but you will not regret it. God truly does work all things for good, even when it doesn't seem good, even when it just isn't good. God's just cool like that.
I'm not sure why God put it on my heart to type all this out, but my prayer is that it will encourage someone. God's got you, and I promise from my own experience of sadness, loneliness, and questioning why, He will hold you fast.