My Testimony//Part 1
Hey y'all! So, I have wanted to share my story for awhile now, but I was waiting for what seemed like the right time. I will explain why now seemed like the right time after I tell you my testimony. I was originally going to post my testimony all in one, but I realized as I started typing that that was a ton to post in one blog post, so I decided to make it a series. So for the next four days, there will be scheduled posts explaining my testimony. Here is Part 1:
I was born in the city in Virginia, but I moved to North Carolina when I was only 8 months old. I grew up in a Christian household, which I am extremely grateful for. I made a profession to Christ whenever I was around 4 or 5 years old, and since then I have always loved the Lord. I don't remember ever not loving the Lord. I never really had a problem trusting the Lord and always trying to do His will. That is, until 2019. The year started off rough for me, as my then best friend moved out of town several hours away. That was in March. That wasn't fun, but I knew that there was a reason for it. Then, May 19th (that date will be important later), my parents sat us down after church one day and told me and my sister that we were going to be leaving the church I had grown up in since I was 11 months old. Ouch. I sincerely wish I could say that I handled it well, and completely put my trust in the Lord. Unfortunately, this was not the case. I questioned everyone in charge. I do want to point out that the reason we left was not because the church had done anything wrong. It was simply because my Dad had felt God telling us to leave. And that's exactly what my Dad told my sister and I sitting on the couch that day. Well then, I thought, that doesn't make any sense!! Why would God take us away from a church that He knows I love so much?
And then, of course, I immediately apologized to God for questioning Him. I'm not allowed to do that, right? A good Christian is never supposed to ask God questions, because He is ALMIGHTY GOD. Right?? Well, yes, He is Almighty God. However, I believe that He gives us grace to ask Him questions. After all, we are human, and we do have questions. My youth pastor has said this many a time: the only time questioning God becomes a problem is when you question His authority. I knew that His plan was better. That was permanently cemented in my brain. God's plan is always better. Period. Of course I knew that, but it's so much harder to believe and live out when your faith is being tested. In my 15 year old brain, my plan of staying at this particular church at least until I got married seemed a lot better than God's plan of moving us to a different church. And so I struggled.
That afternoon was mostly spent in my room, by myself. I didn't want to be around anyone, and to be totally transparent, I didn't really want to talk to God, either. I had already been going through a bit of a rebellious stage. Nothing terrible, but I was most certainly not living out my faith. I wasn't acting like the daughter of a King. However, after having a large pity party for myself, I decided to get down on my knees and pray. I don't know how long I was down on the floor, but I do know that a good bit of time was spent asking God, "why??" Honestly, I think I was hoping that Dad had misunderstood God, that it was never God's intention for us to leave our church. I guess I hoping that Dad was wrong. I thought that maybe I could understand God's plan better. How arrogant of me, I know. God is still working on my pride.
Suddenly, sitting on the floor, pleading with God that He wouldn't take us away, I just got this feeling of peace. And then I knew: it was most certainly God's plan for us to leave. I wish it could have gotten through my (thick) skull sooner that Dad had prayed about this for months. My parents didn't want to leave the church either. However, they had enough grace and wisdom to listen to God, and not make a fuss about it. Me, on the other hand, yikes.
So, as I was saying, I received this peace, and once that happened, I started praying a different prayer other than "why?". "Okay Lord, I don't know why, and I don't understand, but I trust You." Ahhhh and that concludes my testimony. From then on, I put my full trust in Jesus, we searched for a church for 8 months, I was happy the entire time, and then we found my home church. The end. Yeahhhh, nope. Guess what? Even after telling God that I was going to trust Him, it turns out that that is much easier said than done. And so I struggled some more.